Workshop “Effective communication with parents of preschool children”

Style of communication between the teacher and parents consultation (preparatory group) on the topic

Communication style between teacher and parents

The psychological dictionary interprets the term “communication” as “the interaction of two or more people, consisting in the exchange of information between them of a cognitive or affective-evaluative nature” [1]. Communication is a complex process of establishing and developing contacts between people. The need for communication, the need of a person for a person V.A. Sukhomlinsky called it the most ineradicable and the most humane. Is the ability to communicate given to a person by nature or does it need to be learned? Of course, people learn communication skills throughout their lives.

The success of a teacher’s work, which involves constant contact with parents and children, largely depends on his ability to communicate. At the same time, the leading role in communication between the teacher and parents belongs to the teacher, since he is a professional and an official representative of the educational institution.

It has long been a common phrase in pedagogical circles: “It is not as difficult to work with children as it is difficult to communicate with their parents.” Almost every teacher has a lot of examples of how difficult it can be to achieve mutual understanding with parents: someone brushes aside the advice of the teacher - “We gave them to you, you educate them”, someone avoids parent-teacher meetings, others begin to blame the teacher for everything that arises. problems, etc. Therefore, it is important for a teacher to know the structure, communication styles, and be able to find a way out of conflict situations. In teaching practice, communication is the most important factor in professional success. According to M.I. Skatkina “High technique of pedagogical communication is not only one of the components, but also the leading component of pedagogical skill.”

In the process of interacting with each other, everything turns out to be important: what we say, how we say it, how we perceive the information of our communication partner. Therefore, the first and necessary condition for successful interaction between a teacher and parents is knowledge of the structure of communication.

Psychologists distinguish three components of communication:

— The first component includes the perception of a person by a person in the process of communication.

- The second component is the process of transmitting information: the exchange of opinions, information, desires - this is what we say.

— The third component involves the organization of joint activities, interaction in conversation (how we speak, what goals we pursue), which can be expressed in pressure, avoidance, or passivity of one of the partners.

Speaking about communication, it is necessary to pay attention to the teacher’s self-presentation. We have not yet had time to say anything, but an opinion about us has already been formed, in accordance with the impression we made on the interlocutor. Our appearance: clothes, hairstyle, gait and much more told our parents in what manner to communicate with us. Therefore, it is very important for a teacher to present himself: to be neatly dressed, in clean shoes, so that they are shoes and not soft slippers without backs. After all, parents, like teachers, “read” information from his external appearance and adapt to a certain state of the interlocutor. At this time, the teacher can grasp the parent’s mood, attitude towards himself, find the right tone, and create an atmosphere of business interaction. As a rule, teachers at school take their appearance quite seriously, but for some reason kindergarten teachers believe that there is no point in trying to look good and be neat, since children are too small and do not understand anything. Unfortunately, this is an erroneous opinion; it is the kindergarten workers who should pay special attention to their appearance, which is one of the factors in the formation of the child’s internal culture.

The next stage of communication is verbal communication. Pedagogical practice shows that an incorrectly structured speech message can lead to both partners’ misunderstanding of each other and to open conflict. V.N. Kunitsina, in her book “Interpersonal Communication,” gives the principles of constructing verbal communication. They can be presented in the form of a diagram.

Principles of communication

If a conflict arises with parents, it is better to adhere to a formal manner of communication.

In order to involve a communication partner in contact, it is necessary to make the very first minutes surprising, unexpected, bright, to create a positive emotional mood, A.F. Koni advises using “catching” hooks at the beginning of the conversation. It could be something from life, some paradox, an unexpected question. “Hooked” and what next, is success guaranteed?

The effectiveness and success of communication between the teacher and parents will also depend on the style of communication.

The first experimental study of communication styles was conducted in 1938 by German psychologist Kurt Lewin. In this work, he points out that each person has his own, characteristic only for him, style of communicating with people. It changes somewhat depending on the partner and the nature of the activity, but at the same time maintaining its essential features and its uniqueness. The style of communication reflects the specifics of relationships between people, the diverse and at the same time unique essence of the individuals included in the dialogue.

Nowadays, there are many communication styles, we will focus on the main ones:

Collaborative creativity

The basis of joint creativity is the unity of the teacher’s high professionalism and his ethical principles. The activity-dialogue scheme of this communication puts the teacher and parent in a position of parity when common goals are set and solutions are found through joint efforts. In this style, as on photographic film, all the personal qualities of both parties are revealed. Passion for a common cause is a source of friendliness, and at the same time, friendliness, multiplied by interest, gives rise to a joint, enthusiastic search.

Authoritarian style

According to the authoritarian style, the teacher makes all decisions individually, gives orders, and gives instructions. With an authoritarian communication style, decisions are made by the teacher and given to parents in the form of directives, which is why this style is often called directive. In this case, according to the teacher, his directives are not subject to discussion, they must be undeniably followed.

Permissive style

A characteristic feature of the permissive communication style is the teacher’s insignificant activity; problems with parents are discussed formally. The teacher is subject to various influences, does not show initiative in joint activities with parents, and is often unwilling or unable to make decisions himself, limiting himself to formally fulfilling the duties and instructions of the administration.

Style - distance

Without maintaining distance, pedagogical communication can slide into familiar and condescending relationships. Distance acts as an indicator of the leading role of the teacher. The popularity of this communication style lies in the fact that novice teachers often believe that distance communication helps them immediately establish themselves as a teacher, and therefore they use this style to a certain extent as a means of self-affirmation. But, the use of this style of communication, in most cases, leads to pedagogical failures, so you should choose a reasonable range of its application. Communication - distance is to a certain extent a transitional stage to such a negative form of communication as intimidating communication.

Style is intimidating

This style artificially puts the partner in a dependent position, causing him to have a negative attitude towards the opposite party. The communication process turns out to be strictly regulated, driven into a formal and official framework. An invisible barrier of alienation is erected between those communicating.

Style - flirting

Essentially, the type of communication-flirting corresponds to the desire to gain false, cheap authority from parents, which contradicts the requirements of pedagogical ethics. It is often used by young teachers to quickly establish contact with parents and get them to like them; this is caused by the lack of the necessary general pedagogical and communicative culture, pedagogical communication skills and experience, and experience in professional communicative activities.

Mentor style

The mentoring style of communication appears when one of the partners (most often this is a person who considers himself an “experienced” person) voluntarily or unintentionally takes on the role of a mentor. An edifying and patronizing tone is present not only in the dialogue, but also in its entire appearance.

According to G.B. Monina [2], an effective communication technique is to use the “lawyer” and “prosecutor” styles.

It is recommended that the teacher use the “lawyer” style when communicating with parents in the following cases:

— parents ask for advice, seek help, share their problems, take an interest in the child’s behavior and successes;

-parents place excessive demands on the child and expect too high results from him;

— the teacher needs to provide negative information about the child. You can start the conversation from an “advocate” position, telling the good things about the child, and then move on to the unpleasant moments. The teacher can talk about the child’s problems from the position of his defender, a person who sincerely wants to help the child and parents.

Experienced teachers often complain that they begin to view the world from the perspective of “good” and “bad,” “right” and “wrong,” which results in a certain categorical attitude. This categorical attitude does not contribute to the formation of a friendly atmosphere, because the interlocutor is afraid to openly state his position, and negative information about the child, expressed in a critical style about his behavior, is often perceived by parents painfully, sometimes even aggressively, developing into conflict.

In order to avoid deepening and expanding the conflict situation, the teacher needs to choose the desired style of communication and competently build a behavior strategy. The “teacher-parent” conflict, as a rule, assumes a “superior-subordinate” type of conflict, which determines the teacher’s behavior as an accusatory party. And if previously this situation suited both sides, now parents, having certain knowledge and experience in the field of psychology, strive to prevent pressure on themselves from kindergarten workers.

No matter how much we would like it, it is hardly possible to imagine, much less implement, completely conflict-free interaction between people. Sometimes it is even more important not to avoid conflict, but to wisely choose a strategy for behavior in a conflict situation and lead the parties to a constructive agreement. K. Thomas [3] proposed ways to regulate conflicts. They are presented in Table 1

Table 1 Ways to resolve conflicts

According to L.B. Nevalina, you can adhere to the following recommendations if you are forced to participate in a dispute:

- Do not be biased, even with different views, identify at least one common point of view.

- Do not allow yourself to be drawn into an empty verbal skirmish.

- Do not lose composure; tactlessness, swearing is a sign of weakness and lack of arguments.

- Rely on facts and logic.

- Be concise.

- Predict the consequences of your words.

— They are not afraid of criticism, as it helps them see their weak points.

- Be able to admit your mistake.

— Avoid dishonest methods in disputes.

- Don't fall for compliments.

The listed proposals by L.B. Nevalin’s options do not exhaust the entire variety of communication styles developed in long-term practice. They can give the most unexpected effects that establish or destroy the interaction of partners during communication and are, as a rule, found empirically. At the same time, the found and acceptable communication style of one teacher turns out to be completely unsuitable for another. The style of communication clearly reveals the individuality of each person, both teachers and parents.

Constructive communication between a teacher and parents is possible if there is a common understanding of the goal aimed at successfully raising a child.

Can we say that using various techniques will help you find an approach to any parent? Of course, this is not entirely true. The parent's character traits, his past experience, his psychological problems - all this can become a serious obstacle to building cooperation with the teacher. No psychological techniques guarantee a successful result. However, in most cases, if the teacher tries to act thoughtfully and consciously, and chooses the desired style of communication, he will be able to build contact, which will become the basis for productive interaction. After all, teachers and parents really have a common goal.

True parental love

In the first year of working with parents, a big, very significant task became: to bring to the consciousness of parents the difference between true parental love and false love.

Show them with life examples, let them feel for themselves what true love is and what false love is. At one of our meetings, I slowly and expressively read N. Nosov’s story “Cucumbers.” After reading, there was silence. After a pause, she asked the question: “Which of you was able to do the same as the mother of the boy who stole the cucumbers did to her son?”

And again a trembling insight hung in the air. Everyone unanimously admitted that they were not ready to send their son alone at night to return the stolen property. Then we began to look for options: “How else can we correct this situation so that our son grows up to be an honest guy?”

And then a discussion took place again, in which the parents talked to each other, and I watched and listened, getting to know them more and more. They independently put forward solutions, immediately refuted them, made new and new conclusions until they came to a consensus.

True parental love is to form real human qualities in a child and strictly follow this course without deviation. And deviations will be false love.

What to do with cucumbers? We decided that we should go with our son and return the cucumbers. Well, since our time now is not so calm.

How we lose the happiness and well-being of our children in the pursuit of material wealth

They talked a lot about how in the endless bustle of everyday life, in the pursuit of material wealth, we lose the most important thing in our lives - the happiness and well-being of our children. I asked them: “When was the last time you saw the sunrise, when you stopped to look at the droplets of emerald dew on the leaves, when you sat down in the grass to hear the birds singing, look at their life, look at the sky, the floating clouds?”

Having immersed myself in personal experience, the majority of parents, I am sure, judging by their statements, have come to understand how much we miss in life in pursuit of everyday comfort. “What kind of happiness can we give to our child if we earn money from morning to evening?” money?

Of course, clothing and feeding are important. But does this make a person happy: food, clothes? Do material wealth bring happiness? You and I are dressed and well-fed, but are we all happy? Something constantly bothers us, throws us off balance.” (I wanted to convince you of the importance of taking maximum participation in the personal inner life of the child).

I urged my parents to stop, step away from the daily hustle and bustle and try to look at their lives from an observer’s perspective. Read Dale Carnegie's "Letter from a Father to His Son." Everyone listened very heartfeltly, you could feel your heart being touched. Some asked for the letter to be photocopied to be read at home with the family.

We agreed: at home, everyone will prioritize their lives according to their significance and identify what is most important in their lives.

We can make a child happy

At the very first meeting, I told about myself and asked my parents to accept me into their family, because we will solve the common problem: how to make the child happy, we will solve together. Note: it’s not how to raise a child correctly, but how to make him happy. It is very important to think through every word, every phrase, so that people see and feel sincere good participation in their interests.

What can make our child happy? With a simple question, I encouraged parents to delve into it: “What makes US happy?” Oh, what a passionate discussion it was. We went through all the options for happiness. To everyone’s surprise, they came to the conclusion that it turned out to be neither a car, nor an apartment, nor financial well-being, etc. It seems like a simple question, everything is clear.

It's like the sun is shining. Well, we know what the Sun is, no surprise. Sun and Sun. But when we focus our attention on the Sun, then we begin to understand the beauty, the joy emanating from It, the warmth and what it means for life.

With the next question, I again immersed my parents in their personal experience: “Who do we want to communicate with most, to whom are we most drawn, for what kind of person DO we WANT to do something good?” (Long pause to think about the question and start a discussion. If you speak up and answer yourself, it means you’ve lost and you won’t get the expected result).

We drew the conclusion ourselves: We, personally, are attracted to people who are beautiful, smart, cultured, and delicate. Well-built relationships are the basis for external and internal well-being. This is how the first steps in the formation of an attractive personality took shape.

Holidays or culture of our ancestors shape Human qualities

Immediately, with a luxurious program, library staff came to our kindergarten for the holiday “Peter and Fevronia - Day of Love and Family.” We came with the folklore ensemble “Tagil Evenings”.

The evening was very interesting and active: first there was an informational part, which discussed the history of the national holiday. Next was the creative part: there were conversations and entertaining activities on the topic of their family, children together with their parents drew, guessed riddles and puzzles.

Afterwards, everyone went out to the central platform to dance in circles: mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers. And then they played Russian folk games. The polyphony of the Russian folk ensemble enchanted the entire neighborhood, people from the residential area began to flock to the kindergarten, and it turned out to be a real folk festival.

Everything was completely unusual, not standard. The next day in kindergarten there was only talk about what an extraordinary holiday it was yesterday. Parents met each other in locker rooms, on stairwells and shared their impressions: “Did you see yesterday’s holiday?” After all, parents from other groups came to this holiday quite by accident: it was evening, time to pick up their children from kindergarten.

We can talk about the life of our large family for a very long time, these are just a few moments, not taking into account routine everyday affairs: hectic preparations for the holidays, joint creative work, building snow figures on the site, baking cakes and much, much more.

And the cherished dream or general task “How to make a child happy?” can be simply rephrased in other words: how to make ourselves happy, because our happiness depends on whether our children are happy. Isn't that right?

And there is only one way to solve this problem: the formation of human character qualities in a child; the higher the character qualities, the more favorable fate will be to him.

I wasn't being smart, I just became one of them

On any issue or educational task, I did not dominate the conversation, did not play smart, did not give lectures from leading teachers about the correctness of education. I just became one of them.

Everyone knows that well-written questions can steer a discussion in the right direction, so through pre-thought-out questions and immersing parents in the life situation, I involved them in discussions and independent decision-making.

At our meetings, they listened not to the lectures I read, not to me, but to each other, often and extensively expressed their opinions, and summed up the results. I studied their character, attitude towards the child, towards themselves, towards life in general. Step by step we developed good relations among ourselves.

We “didn’t take out trash in public” - we observed human cleanliness

You may have a question: “What did we do if a child exhibited a character trait that brought harm to both the child himself and his environment. Isn’t it a secret that negative social situations regularly arise in the life of a group that cannot be resolved without the participation of parents for educational purposes?”

Of course, life flowed in the group with all its pitfalls, just like in our adult lives. We also tried to solve all negative situations ourselves, which is called not taking out the trash in public. And if the participation of parents was necessary, then only in order to develop the child’s conscience and discomfort from the offense, and only in the most extreme cases.

Every time I tried to speak to everyone in their language. There is no point in saying how badly Sasha or Seryozha behaved today. We must understand: they are SUPPOSED to behave differently from the framework and formulas that adults have prescribed. They are still small and do not know the world of adults and their rules.

Every time I found kind words about the child and his talents. She didn’t sugarcoat, didn’t try to please their ears, didn’t try to please them, she told the truth and only about the good that was in the child.

In a children's society (group), the law is the teacher, and how fair and honest, kind and cheerful the teacher is, depends on the atmosphere of the group and mutual understanding with children and parents.

Informality strengthens relationships

More and more I realized how important it is to involve parents in the life of the group. After all, most of the time the children were with me, almost their entire adult life took place within the group, and mothers and fathers at home are mainly preoccupied with everyday tasks, from which it is difficult to distract them.

And the children actively helped me solve this problem. The idea came to go out into nature with the whole family on weekends. It was an amazing trip: dads and sons were preparing a fire, mothers and girls were in charge of the kitchen. Absolutely everyone was busy, participating in the common cause.

If any mommy took on the image of a “caring busy mommy” who took the initiative into her own hands, I came to the rescue. At the same time, she did not focus her attention on the incorrectness of her actions.

She simply turned on the proven mechanism of children’s influence on their parents, again turning to the children themselves with a reminder of how big and independent we are, that we need to treat mothers with care and take most of the work on ourselves (I turned the children’s skill of manipulating parents into a positive direction, it came in handy).

Well, after the work was done, all the pleasures were expected: they built a snow fortress, went downhill, played games, and of course a big feast with delicious barbecue. Everyone immediately noticed how much the children were eating (if only it were like that in a kindergarten), everything was eaten.

And the next morning, everyone noted that, having arrived home in the evening, the children were calm, satisfied, tired and simply went to bed earlier than usual. They showed an ardent desire to get together like this and go out of town more often. We immediately planned our next trip in the golden autumn. Only the weather hasn’t been great this fall. Well, we'll figure something out.

How children helped me raise my parents

And the everyday, unnoticed work of creating our large family began. Work began on honing each personality: developing self-service skills, independence, and various behavioral models. She gave the children maximum independence in all aspects of life in the group, using volitional efforts.

Naturally, difficulties began: everything that I taught the children in kindergarten was often lost at home in the family. Some parents didn't hear me. For example, when getting dressed for a walk, I just checked how the child was dressed and, naturally, tied the laces that were so difficult for them; the children did everything else themselves, even fastening the buttons TOGETHER, not me.

But in the morning I watch a picture of how parents, hurrying to work, quickly undress their child, doing all his work for him. My requests not to deprive the child of independence did not always find a response. Then I decided to influence parents through their children.

I encouraged the child to be independent by reminding him of how he had grown, how big he had become, and had learned a lot compared to the dolls from the nursery group. “Don’t let your mother dress you, say: Mom, I’m already big, I can do it myself.” What does it have to do with it, she said it right there in the presence of her parents. And the child immediately took the initiative into his own hands. So the guys and I weaned all parents from doing different things for them - their children.

And there are many similar examples where the GUYS HELPED me “work with parents.” At the next meeting, we talked for a long time about how to immerse ourselves in the world of a child in order to become a friend, ally for him, about the two-faced love of parents for their child.